Scary: Part 3

This is the last post of the "Scary" series. The last picture is also probably the scariest.

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Knife

January 21, 2012

This totally looks like a cutting picture but it's actually not really, or at least that wasn't on my mind when I drew it. I didn't even feel like cutting that night because it didn't feel like anything other than oblivion could help. Obviously, even that didn't help... This picture is more about inner pain. It's representing how emotions sometimes feel like a knife slicing through me and leave huge gaping wounds and blood all over the place. Gruesome. The only thing that surprises me about this picture is how straight I drew the lines of the knife considering the state I was in. Everything about it just completely describes how my mind felt on Saturday night.

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The good news is that I feel a lot better now. I've spent all of my time since that weekend pulling myself out of the depression by making sure I wasn't alone, leaning on my parents for support and doing some exercise and mindfulness. So to end this series on a better note, I'm going to share a "thank you letter" that I wrote to myself in writing therapy during the partial hospitalization program.

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Dear Kate,

You've been through a lot of really tough stuff but you have done really well coping with everything by yourself. The coping skills that you came up with by yourself when you were little were very smart. You also managed to make it through middle school, high school and college without a lot of help while struggling with some really intense feelings.

I'm really proud of you now for how hard you've been working towards getting better. It was really hard for you in the past year and a half, opening yourself up to someone and processing some of the abuse. Especially recently, I've been really proud of how hard you're working to try to turn things around for yourself. You've really been fighting for yourself and you've been trying to be positive. Your determination to get better and make changes is inspiring. I'm so glad that you are starting to feel empowered and you have started to realize that you are not helpless and you can get through this because you are in charge of your own recovery. Thank you for being so resilient and strong. Your courage is amazing.

Thank you!