The Future

In the PHP, we had a writing therapy group in late November that was about what you want your recovery process to look like and how you would like the future to be. The future has been scaring me a lot recently so I thought it might be a good time to look back at what I wrote. 

The prompt was:

Think about your vision of the future you would like to create, what might that include, what might it look like? How might the actions you are taking in your recovery process transform not only your future, but also yourself?

I wrote:

In my future, I would like to be safe and thriving instead of just surviving. I want to be able to handle the depression and PTSD symptoms. In my recovery process, I will be determined to use and practice the skills that I know are necessary. I need to be aware of when I have to use those skills. I would like to be able to tolerate my feelings and process them so that I can feel joy as well as sadness and anger. I need to find the balance. I want to go to more groups on coping and I would like to work with skills in individual therapy in order to continue trauma work. I want to be in a safe place where I am able to be self-reliant and am also able to use supports and connections when I need to. I want this future to be soon but I also realize that it will take time and I need to keep a positive attitude about myself and the process in order to reach my goals. I recognize that it may be a while before I reach this future but I am determined to be safe and I am determined to use skills and work hard.

It has definitely been helpful to look back at this. I've been forgetting to have patience with the process. I'm always in a rush to do everything. But that makes it hard to keep a positive attitude when you're never making as much progress as you want to be. So I think I need to remind myself to slow down and remember that it's OK to have bad days because recovery isn't an overnight process.