September 14, 2013

It's Been A While...

I figure it's probably about time I post again...

I've had a lot of stuff happen since my last post and it's all been a little overwhelming. I'm going to make another list with everything I'm dealing with right now.

1. The guy I liked turned out to be immature and changed his mind about what he wanted - he didn't want to date anymore, and just wanted to try to use me for sex. So that's not happening.

2. Work has been insane. I'm working more than my hours and I'm working through lunches and being incredibly flexible. All of this is so that the people I work for can go on a conference/vacation and have all of their studies run while they're away. And yet, even though I was assured that they were flexible about vacations, I'm still being made to take comp days so that I can take the vacation I planned months ago for my cousin's wedding... So now I get to work random weekend days after completely exhausting weeks. Luckily I still like the actual work that I do.

3. My CBT therapist may terminate with me. It's still to be decided over the next few sessions. She doesn't know if her style of therapy is in my best interest at the moment. I disagree because I have my primary therapist who is able to provide the things that my CBT therapist is not - it seems balanced to me.

4. I have just been incredibly angry at everything, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I need to be able to express the anger externally rather than internalizing, but it's still difficult dealing with all of it.

5. I'm trying to find groups or expressive therapy so that I have additional supports while I'm going through this "rough patch". My CBT therapist really wants me to find a group to address my issues with alcohol so I decided to go to a SMART meeting this evening to see if it might help. Even though I don't have a dependence on alcohol, I still have problems with it because I end up getting suicidal and making bad decisions about my safety. So I'm hoping that will go well.

6. I've decided that I want to try to go veterinary school. So I need to figure out where to take some physics courses for next year and I need to study for the GREs to take this year.

I'm so glad I have a vacation coming up to look forward to...


June 2, 2013
I drew this in the hospital. I wanted to show the depression side of things and the anxiety side of things. I feel like I've been mostly anxious but sometimes the anxiety will trigger the depressed feelings. I scribbled all over the picture with white after I drew it to make it even more confusing and messy.