My CBT therapist gave me an assignment for this week, which has been really hard for me to think about. She suggested I write down what I want to say to my old therapist at our last meeting. It has, of course, forced me to experience all of the emotions I feel about the whole situation. I'm not going to share what I wrote, but I did draw something that pretty much sums up all of my emotions.
Fighting Feelings
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| January 16, 2012 |
I'm not used to feeling so intensely... but I guess that's what happens when you suppress all of your feelings for twenty or so years and then they all start to come out within a year. So I kind of feel like I'm constantly fighting all of the intensity of the emotions, which is exhausting and kind of painful. This drawing shows the pain and hurt I feel about what happened at the top in red. The fire is the anger I feel at the situation and the anger at myself (which I'm trying to fight). The greenish color is the embarrassment I feel about the intensity of my emotions and about what my reaction has been with regards to emailing my old therapist too much. The blue at the bottom is the sadness I feel about the loss. In the top corner is my fight against the feelings - I used light blue and silver to represent using acceptance. I hope it starts working soon because I'm really sick of feeling so strongly all of the time.
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