November 21, 2011


This isn't an art post. I just need to share some of my thoughts on my healing journey and how other people fit into that journey. 

I had an interesting session with my CBT lady in which we talked about willingness to use skills and my attachment to my old therapist. Basically I came to the conclusion that I was basing my entire recovery on one person. Which is kind of what you're supposed to do, but that person is supposed to be yourself and not your therapist. Everyone always says that only you can help yourself. And I was always like, "Yeah yeah, obviously. I get it." But I didn't. I still thought that someone was going to rescue me. That I would be able to stop suffering if I just talked it out with someone and they would point out all my misconceptions about life and then I would be cured. I talked to someone and now I know a lot of my distorted thoughts but I am not cured... Obviously. Because I actually have to do the work. Because I have to be self-reliant. This journey is one that I have to take. Other people can be there supporting me but they can't do it for me. It HAS to be me. It's kind of like I already knew that but now I really get it. That's some radical acceptance right there. Not that that makes things easier for me. It's just a good thing to really know. It means that I know that I need to use skills and have more motivation to do so. It means that I can become more self-reliant and empowered. It means that since my entire recovery isn't dependent on another person then it also can't completely fall apart when that person goes away. It really sucks and it really hurts that I can't work with my old therapist for now but I actually gained something from it.

No comments:

Post a Comment