July 20, 2012


For the past two weeks of group we have been doing termination. That word sounded so negative to me since the last time I terminated in therapy, it was not a very enjoyable experience... But this one was actually really really nice. We spent time on every person, talking about what we got out of group, the progress that we made and what we hope to be our next steps. So I'm just going to share some of what I got out of the two sessions.

One of the things that really meant a lot to me was how many people told me how much strength and courage I have. One of the group leaders told me that I have a "steely determination" in facing this journey of healing. Another person said that I have a gentle nature that is balanced with strength. I was told that I was courageous and frank when sharing my fears with the group. And those were just the things that I wrote down.

I realized while talking to the women in the group about their courage, how much I believe in their strength. It made me think about how I didn't really believe in my own strength and generally would dismiss it when people told me that I was brave. But I truly believe that the women in my group are extremely courageous and strong and so, if people can see that in me too, maybe it is true that I am brave. So now I've been thinking about all of the things that people have told me about what they see in me. I reread all of these encouraging things that people have said to me that I put together last year after my first hospitalization. A lot of it is emails or texts from my old therapist who was so supportive and told me so many times how courageous and strong I am. I also have emails from family members telling me how much they love me and that I'm a good person as well as things I wrote down that friends, other patients or clinicians said to me. When I first read or heard those things, though I appreciated their belief in me, I was sad that these people saw so much in me while I "knew" how weak or bad I really was. But this time, when I looked through all of it again, I considered that all of those things could possibly be true. Though it made me really sad to read those things, both because a few of the people who said them are no longer people that I talk to, and because it's emotional to read nice things about yourself that are hard to believe, but it was also very nice to be able to look at those things in a different way and to feel better about myself. I hope that all of the ladies from the POWER group can eventually believe all of the wonderful things that I and others believe about them. They are all strong... or I guess I should say, we are all strong, courageous, good and worthy women.

No comments:

Post a Comment