August 11, 2012

The Sea

I've been struggling with anxiety a lot in the past month. My prescriber tried to take me off one of my medications (an antidepressant) and as soon as I stopped taking it my anxiety shot way up. I've gone right back to judging myself for everything I do - I feel like everything I do is stupid and people are probably just pretending to like me. I know that this is just the anxiety talking, but it's a really difficult feeling to fight. A lot of PTSD symptoms have gotten much stronger and more things are triggering me. I have intrusive feelings and thoughts about the abuse all the time. I've also been dissociating a little bit when I'm particularly anxious, which hasn't really happened in a while (apparently one of the meds I'm still on helps prevent that - interesting info I just found out yesterday). All of this has made my self-harm urges a lot stronger. So obviously we are putting me back on that med... I'm hoping that's the reason I got more anxious and that once I get it back in my system, the anxiety will lessen again.

All of this is making me wish I was back on the beach...  


August 4, 2012
During my vacation we went to a beach in a different town on the one rainy day and I took a picture that this drawing is based on. It seemed like a pretty simple landscape to draw and I liked the sandbar that all the birds were sitting on. I find the sea very calming to watch and listen to. I always imagine my safe place to be on the beach at dusk. I brightened the sea up from the original and took out a boat and some of the people on the beach - I liked the idea of a lone person walking along. The original photo is below.

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