July 19, 2013

Drinking is Bad for Me

I am trying so hard not to judge myself right now, but it feels like an impossible task. Drinking has turned into something that is just way too unsafe for me to do at the moment. I ended up taking a very dangerous overdose while I was drunk last weekend and have since been in various hospitals - first medical and now mental.

This time I have absolutely no objection to the 24-hour suicide watch I was put on in the ER. I had to go on a clear liquid diet for a day and had almost 10 bags of saline pumped into my body over the course of a couple days. I honestly feel like it's the stupidest thing I've ever done. I feel incredibly guilty about it and I'm having a really hard time going easy on myself... but that's what everyone keeps telling me to do. I just want to be like, "But don't you realize what I did?! Don't you see what a bad person I am?!"

This means that drinking has officially been added to my list of negative coping skills and therefore is something that I should not use, at least for a very long while. So I am working on making the commitment to myself to not drink as strong as possible.

10 Reasons to not drink alcohol...

1. It is potentially lethal for me because it makes me suicidal.
2. It makes me feel depressed and overwhelmed.
3. It interferes with my medications.
4. I don't like the part of me that comes out when I've been drinking a lot.
5. I often do things that I later regret if I've had a lot to drink.
6. I don't like the loss of control over my thoughts and actions.
7. It interferes with proper sleep.
8. It reduces my body's ability to fight illness.
9. It costs money.
10. It has empty calories.

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