It has been about 9 months since I last cut and 16 weeks since I hurt myself in any sort of serious way!! I still get urges to do things pretty often, but somehow the time since I last did something helps me stop myself. Of course, I'm using other skills to stop myself. But mostly I just think about how I want to make that length of time even greater (I don't want to break my streak!!) and I think about how short of a time the relief from cutting lasts before the guilt and the shame kick in and make me feel even worse than I did before.
For the first time in a while, I actually feel like doing something with my future. I'm motivated to look for a better job and to go to grad school to do a social work degree. I enjoy research (my current job) but I want to do something that directly helps other people. I have been inspired by how the connections that I've experienced with my own therapists and with other mental health workers have helped me so much. I want to be able to give that to other people. I think it will mean facing some fear, but I believe that doing so will be worth it.
On a completely unrelated note, I made some cool little cards that I illustrated and then wrote my blog website on the back. The group leader asked if I wanted to share my blog so I decided to just write the site down on some pieces of paper and give one to whoever wanted one. But then I was having a hard time a few Saturdays ago, so I made it into an art project.
"Business" Cards
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| May 19, 2012 |
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