Going home today so I'll be able to post some stuff really soon.
I've been feeling pretty sad for the past week or so. I am being told that I have to move on from my therapist, who inspired this blog, and it's been really hard wrapping my head around that fact. She wants the best for me and I need more support than she is able to give to me. But I guess I have to be brave and hope that whatever happens is going to work out and be OK. But I'm so sad about losing such a supportive and comforting person in my life. Being in her office with her is probably the safest place that I can think of. Now I have to start all over with someone new. I have to believe that it's going to be good and that I can find someone who I can have as close a connection to. I have to believe that what happened wasn't my fault - that I'm not too much for anyone to handle - that someone can give me the support I need - that this really is the best thing for me. I'm having trouble with all of those things. I feel like I have an even bigger wall up now. I don't want to trust anyone too much in case something like this happens again. But I'm going to try to let myself let someone else in.
It's going to be OK. I can do it.
I know it is painful to have to start all over with someone new- I am 55 years old and have been in therapy for 41 years and have had to change therapists and psychiatrists countless times. I guess I am used to it now and it can even be exciting to share with someone new and maybe hear different perspectives on things, expanding my horizons- it is good that you know this happening is not because you did anything wrong. When I learned and believed that myself,changing treatment teams became easier. But I appreciate and understand that there is a period of adjustment. Change is a part of life for everyone and sometimes I wish everything would stay the same!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. That makes a lot of sense. It's just hard right now to deal with change on top of everything else I'm going through now. But I'm trying to look at the positives...
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