Basically I'm feeling alone and in pain right now but instead of just shutting down like I feel like doing, I'm lashing out in anger even though I realize it's not really about this. But whatever. I have a cold and I'm not in the mood for all of this bullshit. This whole therapy system is so fucking stupid. First I was in the hospital for nineteen fucking days for self-harm thoughts when I thought it was just going to be a weekend. Everyone seemed to think that I was suicidal and it's suddenly this big deal because of that and I need shit tons of support. And yet they throw me into a program where you're supposed to have an outpatient team at the same time, which I don't. And then every clinic from which we tried to get me a team took weeks to get back to me until I finally heard back from one that can only do an intake in January. My discharge date from this program is the end of December. I'm noticing some fucking holes in this process... All I can say is I'm lucky I'm not actually doing that badly. Basically I'm feeling like saying FUCK ALL THIS SHIT. But I'm not going to because I realize that what I do have is helpful and I wouldn't be where I am without it. Even though it's making me feel alone, at least it's making me more self-reliant. But seriously it's a little ridiculous.
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| December 19, 2011 |
Angry
I just drew this on my computer right now. It's a bunch of anger over a bunch of pain.
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