Grief

I am so sick of feeling sad about my old therapist. It feels like the grief that comes when someone dies and you are suddenly no longer able to talk to the person that is gone. As if it doesn't already make me feel like shit, I have to keep talking about it with other people who need to know why it happened. So I am trying to use my DBT skills to deal with it. I went on a walk around the neighborhood - I've been gradually making my loop longer. I drew my feelings to get some of them out on paper. And next I'm going to use opposite emotion by watching something funny. Maybe I'll hold a frozen orange.

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Therapy Grief

December 2, 2011

The bottom left represents the "before" when I felt like some of my pain and shame finally had meaning and borders because of therapy. My emotions were starting to be contained by the feeling of safety that I had with my old therapist. This feels like it was broken by the sudden termination in treatment, which is represented by the jagged and unchangeable black/red line. Black and red flames are coming from that line, representing the anger and pain that I feel and how I feel like I've been abandoned and am now alone (which is irrational, but I can't help how I feel). The blue flames represent the overarching feelings of sadness and helplessness. All I want to do is beg for her to take me back because of the changes I've already made with regards to willingness to use skills and determination to fight the depression and PTSD, but I know that would do absolutely nothing so I'm stuck feeling helpless. The picture fades off into grey unknown. There are some lines of gold and silver that represent the hope and determination that I feel to conquer this stage of my treatment.